A lifetime of SEARCHING

Born into a family of musicians, I spent my first years living with my sister and my parents on one of my grandfather's wheat fields in Oklahoma. That's where I first realized I was different. A sensitive, loving, and kind little spirit, I never did fit the mold of a typical farm boy.

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Despite my country roots, my childhood was anything but simple. Caught in a crossfire between my parents' addiction-fueled brawls and their financial stress of making ends meet, I was often ignored or punished by my father for things I didn't do.

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The drama continued until, years later, while dad was away at a family funeral, my mom, sister, and I escaped to a nearby town. With our newfound freedom, my mother entered the workforce as a seamstress in a jean factory.

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But the celebration didn't last long. Within months of being hired, mom quickly discovered that the life of a single mother was filled with all kinds of new stress. In her attempts to find joy and love anew, my sister and I were often left to fend for ourselves.

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Desperately seeking the love and attention I was lacking, I often disrupted class at school, acted out at home, and even vandalized public property.

I had transformed from an unruly child, into an ungrateful, delinquent teenager.

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High school brought with it many changes, most notably, a move to a new city and a nose dive in my self-confidence. Aside from trying to make new friends, I was also deeply involved in the local Baptist Church and struggling to understand my sexual identity. As my understanding of my chosen religion grew, so did my guilt, shame, and self-hatred.

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After several humiliating prayer rituals, I finally made the decision to separate from the Church and began to accept and love myself just as I was. I came out as gay to my family and classmates and my self-esteem soared. Although I was getting clearer about who I was, I was still completely undecided about what I wanted to be when I grew up. After my twentieth birthday, I took a chance on romance and moved to Los Angeles to start a life with my first boyfriend. 

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Despite falling desperately in love with the west coast, I had fallen out of love with the person who had brought me there. In addition, my sole source of income had slowly morphed from what I had hoped would be a corporate cash cow, into a series of mundane tasks. Unhappy with my choices, my social drinking spiked, resulting in a car crash, a night in jail, and a subsequent string of financial and legal problems. Feeling purposeless and alone in a metropolis of millions, my desire for more meaning in my life had reached a tipping point.

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Submitting to the pleas of a visiting friend, I booked a reading with Raya, a local psychic. Even though I had no interest whatsoever in having my own fortune told, once she had finished with my friend, Raya insisted on reading for me too. From the turn of the first card in her deck, Raya absolutely blew my mind. First, she began to channel a shockingly precise and accurate string of truths about me and my past. Then came the predictions: one day, you'll travel the world, find love, and even be a psychic yourself.

 

Bewildered by my mystical encounter, I immediately began learning everything I could about psychic divination. Eventually, my quest led me to Las Vegas where I met Sonia Choquette, my mentor and greatest spiritual inspiration. During her workshop, the psychic shared story after story of clients of hers who had created the life of their dreams using something she called the "Law of Attraction." During the workshop, Sonia affirmed that I too would create the life of my dreams, traveling the world and, one day, doing work similar to her own.

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Up until that point, few things in my life had felt purposeful. My relationships were in turmoil, my accounts were in bankruptcy, and work was nothing more than a means to an end